It's getting hard not to talk politics...

Many years ago I made a pact with myself to never discuss politics with anyone.

Friends, acquaintances, strangers, the guy who pumps my gas, yo momma...no political talk with any of them.

This wasn't always the case.

I used to engage in heated arguments with just about anyone who wanted to mix it up, and many a night of back road drinking (an Orange County phenomenon) was spent wrangling with my Republican friends over a case of Rolling Rock.

This ended one night when my buddy Eric Kent brought his college roommate along on one of our excursions and he proved himself to be one of the wisest young people I have ever met.

In the middle of the usual yammering he asked a question I will never forget: "Why do you guys even bother with this? You're never going to change the other person's mind."

My initial reaction was to inform him that he was wrong and that ,with a carefully thought out argument, it was indeed possible to swing your opponent around to your way of thinking, but I almost immediately decided that I was the one who was incorrect.


You really aren't ever going to bring the other person over to your side. Of course people do change their views over time, but it is almost never due to one conversation or debate. It might be possible to influence a fence sitter or two, but I found from that point on that attacking an entrenched opponent rarely resulted in a productive outcome of any sort.

I realize that there are people that love to debate and take pleasure in scoring points whenever they can, but for some reason I have always been committed to showing the other person that they were wrong, that I was right, and securing an admission of that fact. Of course this never happens.


Could be that I am a shitty debater, and I very well might be, but it has been much better for my psyche and my soul to let others engage in the political chit chat while I concern myself with more pressing matters.

I am content to accept that different people see the issues in different ways and it is best to let that lie.


This worked quite well until I discovered the Times Herald Record's news forums and started exposing myself (yeah, poor choice of words) to some of the most ignorant people I have ever encountered.


Now I have been all over the Internet and I have seen all kinds of shenanigans, but for some reason I find the fact that these people live near me makes their behavior and views even more unsettling.


These forums have long been a place for the local malcontents to gather, spread rumors, bash local officials, and complain about high taxes, but Election 2008 has pushed things in a new direction.

I admit to taking a few shots when stories concerning my neighborhood have run in the paper and I can never resist jumping in when the facts are misrepresented by The Record's woefully incompetent Goshen beat reporter, but the presidential election seems to have brought out a new brand of crank that has begun stirring up old feelings.


Feelings that compel me to point out the errors in their thinking, show them how wrong they are, and convince them that perhaps putting a gun to their temple and ending it all might be the best solution for everyone.

Of course my favorite potential targets are the ones least likely to listen to my brand of reason so I have managed to resist so far, but it's becoming a bit of a struggle.

My ire could be directed at both the right and the left, but the variety of idiot most likely to break me down is the right wing nutjob who loves to repeatedly post how "stupid liberals" just don't get it while making numerous spelling and grammatical errors. You can find this type of character on pretty much any political blog these days, but the local headcases seem to be out in force on the THR site. The local morons also love to justify their own racism with references to Jeremiah Wright. Pathetic.


THESE MOTHERFUCKERS NEED A STERN TALKING TO!!!!!

Grrrrrr.......must......resist......




Of course it could be that nearly constant exposure to news media (thank you BlackBerry) has over sensitized me and I feel the need to lash out in the forum most available to me, but that's another post.


For now I am staying out of it....one week to go.

A Sound Investment Strategy For Troubled Times

This little article on Marketwatch has led me to a plan that I believe could be the savior of IRA's and other retirement accounts across the nation.

In case you don't feel like clicking on the article I will summarize it for you: Heinz (yeah the Ketchup company) has been doing awfully well despite the economic crisis and it in the opinion of CFO Art Winkleblack (That's his real name....honest) it is due to the fact that many of Heinz's products are inexpensive comfort foods.

I think old Arty is 100% correct.

When I find my personal shit hitting the fan I love nothing more than seeking solace in a big plate of meatloaf and mashed potatoes awash in a sea of Heinz Beef Flavored Gravy. I know what you're thinking.....yes I would normally make the gravy myself but when Big C is really hurting he cuts a few corners. That's just the way Big C copes, my bitches.



Enough of the Big C shit.....Jesus that was a little embarrassing.

There is no reason to think millions of other fat-assed Americans don't find solace in hot meat and liquid fat just like I do. Shit....Arty Winkleblack even said they do!







So...on to the meat and potatoes of my plan. Get it? Meat and potatoes? LOL!




The heart of the plan is using this revelation to guide the total re-allocation of my retirement assets into a broad spectrum of warm and comforting food company stocks and commodities futures like pork bellies, lean hogs, and live cattle.


From there I plan to start hoarding frozen turkeys and looking into cornering the market on crock pots.

I will avoid large and diversified industrial food producers like Con Agra and concentrate on only the companies that have been mathematically determined to offer the highest levels of down home goodness. The Down Home Goodness Formula must remain secret for now.


American desperation and subsequent compulsive eating will ensure continued growth and a healthy return on my investments. Shit, the uptick in Kraft Macaroni and Cheese sales may just buoy the Dow all by itself.

I also heard a rumor that there is some rich dude who can only cure his depression by doing cannonballs into a pool full of Heinz 57 sauce.

Let's pray this becomes a fad.






Come see me at Thanksgiving and I'll make you a nice deal on a Butterball.

Just got back from Corolla, NC.

This was the view from our back porch every evening.

Too bad we don't own a tripod. There are 5 or 6 shots that would have turned out better than this if I could have only held the camera still.

Shucks.