"Rice and Vermicelli mixture"

Yeah, that's what it used to say on the Rice-a-Roni box.

Seems to me like it should have been called Rice-a-Celli. Well...maybe not...that shit doesn't flow.

I just ate some of this stuff the other night (beef flavor) and Goddammit do I ever love it.

Always have.

With all the negative publicity and health warnings surrounding convenient dried crap like Rice-a-Roni I find myself eating much less of the old beef flavored ambrosia then I used to. This is probably a good thing because I have no doubt in my mind that it was just this kind of delicious over processed starchy shit that gave me a mild case of The Sweet Blood.

Damn you, Giant Industrial Food Conglomerates.....damn you to hell!


Plowing down a nice sized helping of the stuff got me thinking though.

I've spent a good deal of time in San Francisco.

I lived there 6 months and have been back on several occasions and not once during that time did I ever see a plate of Rice-a-Roni or even hear the name of the product spoken.

Never.

There I was in what Television led me to believe was Rice-a-Roni's birthplace (Heaven, if you will) and I was not getting my fair share of Domenico (a.k.a. Charlie) DeDomenico's wonderful creation.

This was perplexing indeed.

Perplexing until the other night when I had an epiphany.


Yes Rice-a-Roni has been inextricably tied to San Francisco, but this association is not without conditions.


You see.....this stuff is the San Francisco Treat.


You gotta earn it, baby!


At no time during any of my stays in The Bay Area did I perform deeds or actions virtuous enough to earn myself a mouth watering plate of rice and macaroni steamed in chicken soup mix.

I just didn't get it.


I do now.


You had better believe that the next time I visit San Fran, I will be on my best behavior.

I'm going to be tossing bums five dollar bills, helping old ladies cross the street, giving blood every day, fighting crime, saying please and thank you, and just generally being an all around good guy. No......make that excellent guy.


I am going to make it fucking impossible for those smug-ass side dish withholding San Francisco mother rapers to deny me my fair share of delicious carbs. They'll probably be inviting me into their homes for big steaming piles of the stuff. They might even be so impressed they'll bust out the new Fried Rice Flavor for me to try.


Oh yeah.....I have their number now.

The Rice and Vermicelli mixture is so mine.






I could also just pick up a box at Hannaford's too. I might do that instead.