I've got more spice than the Frugal Gourmet.

Jeff Smith is probably responsible for teaching me more about food than any other television chef. In the days before Food TV and assorted other cable television cooking shows, PBS was the place to go to feed your food instruction jones and The Frugal Gourmet was always my favorite way to do it. While the show's raison d'etre was teaching about other cultures through the use of food, The Frug always came through with the basic technical instruction and essential knowledge needed to be a good cook. He's the reason I cringe every time I see Rachel Ray drag her knife sideways on her cutting board and his voice is the one I hear when someone in my family says "Hot pan, cold oil, food won't stick". He could cook circles around just about any of the doucheballs on Food TV right now and I would put his store of knowledge up against any and all of them. Even Alton Brown.....sure the guy knows food science like nobody's business, but he fails to bring anything near the joy to his cooking that Jeff Smith did.

Unfortunately, the guy's career ended in disgrace when he was accused of sexual assault by a former employee and then about 7 others joined the first accuser in suing him. He settled out of court and never admitted any wrong doing, but the damage was done and he left the air forever soon afterward. In my humble opinion, he got jobbed. The first Michael Jackson case showed people that accusing public figures of sexual crimes could make you a boatload of money and I have no doubt in my mind that Jeff Smith was a victim of both the times and some unscrupulous assholes who sought to enrich themselves by destroying his good name. It's a shame and 10 years later it still pisses me off that such a nice man died in disgrace.

On the brighter side, his cookbooks are still available, still selling like hotcakes, and they make GREAT GIFTS for the bloggers in your family.

Hint hint.

I'm Bringing Sexy Back....

...and when I say "Sexy" I mean "Mork Suspenders".

What the hell ever happened to the utter joy of expressing yourself through the use of trouser suspension technology? What ever happened to our ability to learn all there is to know about a person simply by looking at their suspenders and the assorted paraphernalia buttoned or sewn onto them? One glance at Mork and you knew that he was a fun loving dude from outer space who loved rainbows, white gloves, and doing cocaine until your nose falls off.

Nanu Nanu, motherfucker.



Unfortunately, if you were to take a look at Mork today, your only conclusion would be that he is just some gay guy who works at TGI Fridays. I suppose this information would be helpful if it were true, but what do we learn about Mork as an individual?? I'll tell you what we learn....not a god damned thing.

Thanks to the corporate cancer that has turned America's chain restaurants into the kinds of places that put grill marks on cheesecake, fun suspenders and cool buttons are now nothing more than the uniform of despair. This was so aptly illustrated in the famous "Pieces of Flair" bit from the movie Office Space. Yes it was hilarious. Sadly, it was also true.


I realize that by causing you to contemplate these facts I have sent you into a deep depression. Your longing for the innocent days of the early 80's when rainbow suspenders were fun and cool threatens to crush your very soul. I apologize for that.... but fear not!

I am going to change everything.

I have a plan that will right this wrong and give fun suspenders with cool shit stuck all over them back to the people.

When I am done, you will hardly be able to resist going to the store, getting those suspenders, and adorning them with all the things that make you you.

Buttons buttons buttons!

Maybe you'd like a button with the name of your favorite musical group or sports team?

Perhaps a pink unicorn jumping over a river of cotton candy?

Maybe even a picture of a tripped out March Hare that says "Keep On Truckin'"?

Whatever.....you can have any button your little heart desires and you will once again be able to make a statement with your awesome suspenders that lets the people you meet know what a special kind of person you truly are.

Happy days will indeed be here again.

That reminds me....remember when Mork was on Happy Days? Great episode.


So anyway...big things are on the horizon


I admit that the plan is in the early stages of development and right now it is little more than the idea that I will wear these suspenders and try not to get my ass kicked, but when I am done it will truly be something to behold.

As will you with your neat new suspenders.

Crusoe

This show has become my newest guilty pleasure. I am sure I am not alone in my love of the "Stranded on a desert island" story. I have been a fan ever since I read Robinson Crusoe as a kid and I think the initial success of the show Survivor proves this fact. I have always wondered how I would fare if left to my own devices on a tropical island capable of sustaining a hardy adventurer. Of course, in the book, Robinson worked for years to build his island fortress and recreate some of the creature comforts of home using what little he could salvage from his wrecked ship. On the show, it seems the ship blew apart in a storm, flew through the air, and landed in a tree in the form of the Westin Kalawani Hills Hawaiian Tree House Resort ( I made that up). Before Robin and his pal Friday moved in, MacGyver paid a visit to the tree house and rigged up just about every contraption he could think of to make The Rob-Man's home more comfortable and defensible. It's pretty sweet......every show begins with the boys lounging in their hammocks discussing philosophy, religion, or Olde England, and just waiting around for something to happen. Fortunately for the viewer, something invariably does. Most weeks the adventure involves mutineers who have camped on the island, Spanish soldiers, or on really special shows, the cannibal tribe from whose treacherous clutches Robin saved Friday. These cannibal dudes are my favorite characters on the show. Ably portrayed by what look like members of the horror metal band GWAR the cannibals never cease to provide a few laughs as they snort and scream their way through 40 some minutes of suitable for TV action. No actual flesh has been eaten, thanks to Rob and Fri. At least not yet.

If you have never seen the show and have not picked up on what I am hinting at here, I'll spell it out for you: The show is bad. Incredibly horribly bad. It is the most contrived and clunky piece of tripe a major network has foisted upon us in years.



Guess what though.....IT'S STILL GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!!!!!

I grew up watching CHiPs and The Love Boat, dude.

Shit TV is in my blood, man and Crusoe is just the shit I need right now.

No long story arcs, no intense and compelling dialog, no flawed but loveable characters.

Nothing but production values and a problem that is solved by show's end.


That's how TV used to be and I'm glad there's something like this still around.



It will probably be canceled any minute now.