...and when I say "Sexy" I mean "Mork Suspenders".
What the hell ever happened to the utter joy of expressing yourself through the use of trouser suspension technology? What ever happened to our ability to learn all there is to know about a person simply by looking at their suspenders and the assorted paraphernalia buttoned or sewn onto them? One glance at Mork and you knew that he was a fun loving dude from outer space who loved rainbows, white gloves, and doing cocaine until your nose falls off.
Nanu Nanu, motherfucker.
Unfortunately, if you were to take a look at Mork today, your only conclusion would be that he is just some gay guy who works at TGI Fridays. I suppose this information would be helpful if it were true, but what do we learn about Mork as an individual?? I'll tell you what we learn....not a god damned thing.
Thanks to the corporate cancer that has turned America's chain restaurants into the kinds of places that put grill marks on cheesecake, fun suspenders and cool buttons are now nothing more than the uniform of despair. This was so aptly illustrated in the famous "Pieces of Flair" bit from the movie Office Space. Yes it was hilarious. Sadly, it was also true.
I realize that by causing you to contemplate these facts I have sent you into a deep depression. Your longing for the innocent days of the early 80's when rainbow suspenders were fun and cool threatens to crush your very soul. I apologize for that.... but fear not!
I am going to change everything.
I have a plan that will right this wrong and give fun suspenders with cool shit stuck all over them back to the people.
When I am done, you will hardly be able to resist going to the store, getting those suspenders, and adorning them with all the things that make you you.
Buttons buttons buttons!
Maybe you'd like a button with the name of your favorite musical group or sports team?
Perhaps a pink unicorn jumping over a river of cotton candy?
Maybe even a picture of a tripped out March Hare that says "Keep On Truckin'"?
Whatever.....you can have any button your little heart desires and you will once again be able to make a statement with your awesome suspenders that lets the people you meet know what a special kind of person you truly are.
Happy days will indeed be here again.
That reminds me....remember when Mork was on Happy Days? Great episode.
So anyway...big things are on the horizon
I admit that the plan is in the early stages of development and right now it is little more than the idea that I will wear these suspenders and try not to get my ass kicked, but when I am done it will truly be something to behold.
As will you with your neat new suspenders.
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